Behold, the Tusker is capable of wielding weapons while observing their sacred traditions.
Gentlemen of Irrepute
15 years ago
Showing posts with label tusk of truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tusk of truth. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
TUSKER RAGE!
Behold, the Tusker is capable of wielding weapons while observing their sacred traditions.
Monday, September 7, 2009
On Pretzel Etiquette
Loyal followers, there will come a time in your life when, perhaps while enjoying a fine beer in the company of friends, you encounter sustenance in the form of pretzel sticks. These snacks are a godsend, and the simplest and most traditional way to honour them is to, of course, wear them as a decorative accessory.
No, DO NOT put them in your nose. Bad minion. No.
Instead, the right place from them is protruding from under your bottom lip, appearing as delicious tusks. The reasoning for this location is simple: the Beer Gods, who granted man pretzels some four thousand years ago, often hungered for meat of the physical world. The humans, seeing this, felt obliged to repay the gods for the glorious gifts they had been given; as such, they ventured off in search of wild boar. Lacking technology or basic tactical knowledge, they went into battle equipped similarly to the boar itself: with naught but sturdy tusks.
The battle with the boar was long and full of squealing; the great human warriors had suffered many wounds. Then, as though the pretzels had heard their cry for help, they descended their valuable salt upon the wounds. Behold, these injuries were now clean of boar venom! The humans could continue to outlast the wretched creature, and in a sudden motion, the beast received the gift of two pretzel sticks through the throat.
The humans offered this to the inebriated deities, who were pleased. As celebration of this display of love between man and god, we observe the Most Holy Festival of Oktoberfest every year.
And now, minions, you know.
No, DO NOT put them in your nose. Bad minion. No.
Instead, the right place from them is protruding from under your bottom lip, appearing as delicious tusks. The reasoning for this location is simple: the Beer Gods, who granted man pretzels some four thousand years ago, often hungered for meat of the physical world. The humans, seeing this, felt obliged to repay the gods for the glorious gifts they had been given; as such, they ventured off in search of wild boar. Lacking technology or basic tactical knowledge, they went into battle equipped similarly to the boar itself: with naught but sturdy tusks.
The battle with the boar was long and full of squealing; the great human warriors had suffered many wounds. Then, as though the pretzels had heard their cry for help, they descended their valuable salt upon the wounds. Behold, these injuries were now clean of boar venom! The humans could continue to outlast the wretched creature, and in a sudden motion, the beast received the gift of two pretzel sticks through the throat.
The humans offered this to the inebriated deities, who were pleased. As celebration of this display of love between man and god, we observe the Most Holy Festival of Oktoberfest every year.
And now, minions, you know.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Spirit Animal II: Spirit Animal Harder
The Hobo may have taken my walrus totem, but I have recently discovered within myself the spirit of the narwhal.
Happy Little Narwhal.
Happy Little Narwhal.
Fiery Hatred
So, of all the blags in all the interwebs, I click on his.
In this world, there are some people who are just so convinced of their own lies they begin to spread them to others. Infecting them. Corrupting their minds. Teaching them that which must not be known. Seeing this phenomena occur once more, I feel it is my duty, my obligation, to protect the fine citizens of this world from the slanderous statements the hobo speaks.
The Tusked One begins his reclamation of this land.
Your move, hobo.
In this world, there are some people who are just so convinced of their own lies they begin to spread them to others. Infecting them. Corrupting their minds. Teaching them that which must not be known. Seeing this phenomena occur once more, I feel it is my duty, my obligation, to protect the fine citizens of this world from the slanderous statements the hobo speaks.
The Tusked One begins his reclamation of this land.
Your move, hobo.
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